Bookkeeping

One of the most difficult jobs I do here in Thailand is bookkeeping. Many things are done here on a cash basis and no receipts are ever offered or given and it is up to the spender of money to remember how much was spent where. Yeah, like we are all going to remember this? Anyway, I also have to figure things out in several foreign currencies, which by the way, change each and every day. Needless to say, this is very stressful for me much of the time. I use an accounting program that was designed for morons like me, so at least it is very easy as far as the computer program is concerned. I have had at least 3 accountants look it over and they tell me that I am doing fine. My unaccounted for funds are under 3%, which they tell me is well within acceptable limits. I guess it will have to be acceptable, because it is the best I can do. I am looking at a receipt for 620 Baht. It is around $18 US dollars, today. Last week is was $19 and tomorrow it may be $17. It is all written in Thai. I have no idea what it was, which account it came out of, or where to record and file it. It sits here on my desk. I stare at it as if by staring at it long enough the words will all miraculously turn into English. So far that is not working. This is my least favorite job in Thailand.

My first job today was making a 30 egg omelet. That was easy. Eggs are fairly neutral linguistically. I can speak to them in English and they respond very well. My kitchen is difficult to describe. It started life as an external room on the back of the house. It has a roof, but no ceiling. The roof tiles slant down and over hang the exterior wall so the rain doesn't fall inside the room. The last time we went up country to Chiang Mai a 2 foot lizard got into the kitchen and then, somehow found a way to get inside my main house. We still aren't quite sure how he did that, but he did. When we got home, I could smell something that was yucky, but I just chalked it up to the house being closed up for several days. Then I started noticing things were moved around and knocked over. It seemed like somebody had been in the house, but that would not be that unusual, because when we are gone folks check on things for us. Anyway, Tom and I were standing at the kitchen counter and I was putting things away when the toaster started jumping around . I said, "Tom there is either a rat or a very large lizard behind the toaster." We started looking and we could see about 1 foot of the tail, so we knew it was BIG. Tom armed himself with a walking cane and the broom and we finally rousted him out of the main house and back out to the kitchen. We thought he would just go away the same way he got in. It was late and we were tired after getting home from our trip, so we just closed both doors to the kitchen and went to bed. The next morning, I very carefully opened the kitchen doors and NO he wasn't gone! He had climbed into the stove and 4 inches of his head and long neck were sticking up right out of the stove burner. "Tom!! GODZILLA is still in the kitchen." Tom armed himself with the cane once again and this time the big guy took his leave. I guess he figured he better leave or die, so he made like a Baptist Church and split. The same day we called a carpenter to come over and seal the kitchen up. The little geckos can still get in, but they get in no matter what, but the big stuff can no longer take up residence behind my toaster. STILL--I would rather chase lizards than do the bookkeeping.